Saturday, February 28, 2009

The Real Me

I still get really sick every few months when I accidentally eat the wrong food, and the weather and other stress factors can exacerbate the reaction. My friend calls it a "flare-up," and it happened this week. I was exhausted, and so stiff I could barely walk. Today I'm feeling better, but it gets worse again in the evenings - another early bedtime; who knew a person could sleep so much?

It's easy to smile and be the nice Christian girl when I'm feeling fine. The world looks so beautiful when I'm healthy! But then I get sick, and I can't do anything that makes me feel productive, and I get scared that I'll spend the rest of my life wrapped in a blanket with only my nose poking out, and I'm impatient with my family because noises make my skin hurt, and I'm angry at God, and beauty makes me choke. I worry, worry, worry and all the ingratitude inside me comes to the surface.

I hate being sick, but it's good medicine. It strips away the veneer of holiness. When I see the real me, I suddenly see how I've trampled God, and my heart breaks. But then I can ask Him to make me well, both body and soul. And that's when I realize how much He loves me, because He already knows how messed up I am but He takes care of me anyway.

Tuesday, February 24, 2009

Lent

Yes, I go to a Baptist church, but I'm celebrating Lent this year because every year Easter seems to come with even less warning and less impact. I hope that 40 days of preparation will help me appreciate Easter more.

I am giving up tea--not the first cup of the day (that's necessary to dispel the morning fog in my head), but the second, third, and fourth in which I indulge throughout the workday "to keep the creative juices flowing."

One of these days I will elucidate my personal theology of food (or, what I have learned about the spiritual life through having a digestive disorder), and then you might not find it so amusing that I consider giving up tea to be a Lenten endeavor.

Saturday, February 14, 2009

Two Activities Not for the Faint of Heart

Directing: But my sister is doing an admirable job of it. See this favorable review. (No, I'm not biased or anything.)

Reading England Made Me: It has never been a success. The question is, why is it still being published? Because of Greene-ophiles like me. The style is tortuous, the characters unreal. And yet . . . and yet: Graham Greene captures place and plot with stunning adeptness. Towards the end of this mostly clumsy tale, there is still that delicate moment when we forsee the Farrants' doom and pity them, and so learn to care about them. England Made Me leads to A Burnt-Out Case and The Human Factor and all the rest. This is nascent Greene, stumbling blindly about with a weird faith in what he would become.

Monday, February 09, 2009

Weekend Miscellaney

You Can't Take It With You, produced by Castaways Repertory Theatre and directed by my sister: Community theater is fun because you always know someone in the cast. This production is especially entertaining because my sister is directing it (oh, wait, did I say that already?) and because it's zany with a little bit of wisdom tossed in. Everyone in the cast shines, no matter what their previous theater experience. That is probably due to the impressive directing, but maybe I'm biased.

Prince William Forest Park: There are 37 miles of hiking trails here; on Saturday I tried out the Laurel Loop Trail. It's easy and goes past the South Fork Quantico Creek. Some of the creek was partly covered with about two inches of ice, and none of the mountain laurel was in bloom yet.