I still get really sick every few months when I accidentally eat the wrong food, and the weather and other stress factors can exacerbate the reaction. My friend calls it a "flare-up," and it happened this week. I was exhausted, and so stiff I could barely walk. Today I'm feeling better, but it gets worse again in the evenings - another early bedtime; who knew a person could sleep so much?
It's easy to smile and be the nice Christian girl when I'm feeling fine. The world looks so beautiful when I'm healthy! But then I get sick, and I can't do anything that makes me feel productive, and I get scared that I'll spend the rest of my life wrapped in a blanket with only my nose poking out, and I'm impatient with my family because noises make my skin hurt, and I'm angry at God, and beauty makes me choke. I worry, worry, worry and all the ingratitude inside me comes to the surface.
I hate being sick, but it's good medicine. It strips away the veneer of holiness. When I see the real me, I suddenly see how I've trampled God, and my heart breaks. But then I can ask Him to make me well, both body and soul. And that's when I realize how much He loves me, because He already knows how messed up I am but He takes care of me anyway.