Saturday, June 27, 2009

It Takes a Little Getting Used To

Today was one of those days. Projects didn't get done; I was sick; the house was full of activity and disorienting; there was conflict at dinner and I cried in front of everyone. On the flip side, I went on a beautiful walk this morning, I spent little money on a big purchase, the most important project did get done, I made beets for dinner and beets make me happy, and we watched the first episode of Bleak House tonight.

Let me tell you a little secret. I'm a control freak. Oh, wait, you have that problem too? And days like today drive me crazy. Everything's out of control, including me. The most painful part of a day like today is the moment when I realize that God wants me to let go, not hang on. It feels like I'm loosing my grip on a sturdy branch and letting myself spin down into a whirlpool.

I don't like His way of doing things. It's messy and painful and it's not the way I would do it! But there's a part of me that knows life is supposed to be beautiful and risky, and I'm forced to admit that His way is much more extraordinary than mine. It's like reading a really unpredictable story - you know there's genius behind it.

1 comment:

Grace said...

That's a great description of life, Lee Ann. I think all of us are control freaks to some extent---especially when it comes to getting done what we want to get done on a given day. I like how you phrased it "life is beautiful and risky."