Saturday, September 25, 2010

Ecclesiastes Experienced

On Friday I finished my first full-time work week in over three years, literally. It took effort to get to this place. A year ago I had given up on ever having a normal life; at the beginning of this summer, when all I looked for was escape and survival, my counselor asked me what it would take to get back to full-time work. And here I am. I eked up my hours over the summer - praise God for a boss and an HR department that were willing to work with me on this - and hammered out a weekly routine that would enable me to weather the work hours. At the moment, the routine is roughly half work and half rest. From eight at night till eight in the morning, I'm completely focused on storing up energy for the next workday. Weekends involve trying not to dip too deeply into my energy reserves. This is a reality of Lyme recovery. You don't just bounce back from it like after the flu. It's a war of attrition, or a siege - you either pick off or starve out the enemy, and it takes time.

Nonetheless. Here I am, choosing a life that I want, bravely dreaming for the future, fighting for it - but mostly sleeping and going to work. Those are the humdrum things that will get me where I'm going. I guess the Teacher knew what he was talking about. "A man can do nothing better than to eat and drink and find pleasure in his work" - that's my task. And by God's grace and more than a few miracles, something is happening. Beauty is seeping back in, sudden floods of light, crazy possibilities and questions and answers.

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